you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
