i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
