Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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