so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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