I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
