some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
