What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
