your parents love me but you hate me
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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