Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
