can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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