She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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