I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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