Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
