awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
