two words: eviction party
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
