I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
