He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I accidentally burped into my bong.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize