dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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