Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
