So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
