Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
