do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
