Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
