glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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