If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
