wakey wakey hands off snakey
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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