Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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