i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
