Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
