my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
