he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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