And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
