wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
