so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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