I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
