i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
