She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
