The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
