I got chris browned last night
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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