I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
