Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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