oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
