some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
