So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
