he shaved USA in his pubs
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
