I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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