listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
