Where is the hickey?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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