i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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