I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
