and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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