How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
