So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm like, not good at living.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
