you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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