I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
