I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
