I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
